The healing process for any individual with mental health problems is unique. Comparing two people’s experiences with their mental health struggles reveals two profoundly distinct sets of causes, impacts, and healing journeys, each influenced by numerous variables. However, in any individual’s experience of mental health struggles, their loved ones are a group of people who are the most affected . Our loved ones- immediate family members, relatives, and close friends, experience pain, distress, and confusion as much as the individual.
Akina Singh Suwal, a 4th year undergraduate student, is currently pursuing her Bachelor of Arts in Psychology and Social Work. She hosts a podcast, All in Your Head, where she invites mental health professionals and people with lived experiences to discuss various societal issues and mental health topics. On episode 5 of the podcast, titled ‘Learning to Live After I Survived w/ Shantanu Sharma’, she speaks with Mr. Shantanu Sharma, a person with lived experience, to share his personal story of struggle, survival, and resilience. One segment of their conversation was ‘Performative Healing and our Dear Ones’.
Performative healing occurs when an individual engages in presenting an outward appearance of greater well-being and healing rather than truly experiencing it. It happens when an individual tries portraying themselves as doing better when they are not. All in all, it becomes a performance, an act, a display of an outward appearance of healing and well-being, all while struggling and suffering internally. The motivations for choosing to perform, hide their pain and suffering, and display that they are healing, might be numerous. However, the profound impact of a person’s mental health struggles on their loved ones definitely influences the likelihood of them engaging in performative healing.
On the podcast, Mr. Shantanu shares his experience of being admitted to a psychiatric ward in the United States after his struggle with depression and suicidal thoughts. He revealed that due to his unpleasant experience at the hospital, he had to ‘fake getting better’ to get discharged. Upon returning to Nepal, he openly expressed openly about his mental health struggles with his family members. Mr. Shantanu emphasized the role of honesty and acceptance being instrumental in the journey of his healing.
Being honest with others about your struggles also requires a great deal of honesty with yourself regarding your current state. Honesty fosters an environment for acceptance, allowing room to communicate how you’re doing and your expectations from them. Similarly, accepting your struggles creates the clarity needed to understand your problems, assess your current condition, and determine the next steps in the healing journey. Mr. Shantanu also voices that denying one’s struggles only hinders progress towards acceptance, further causing significant obstacles towards healing.
One reason for engaging in performative healing might be to avoid hurting our loved ones; protect them from pain. Disclosing struggles about mental health issues already is a big challenge in a country like Nepal, where individuals with mental health issues are frequently stigmatized, misunderstood, and discriminated against. What is even more challenging is expressing that these struggles are authentic and ongoing. Our loved ones want the best for us and want us to do better. They want to see us thrive and experience freedom from our struggles. However, healing from any mental health problem is not a quick, instantaneous process that happens overnight. The process is complex, complicated, challenging, and can be full of confusion, hurt, crisis, disappointment, joy, sadness, and so much more.
Often times, performative healing is linked with strong feelings of guilt. These intense feelings of guilt are sometimes attached to not wanting to cause further distress and burden to family members, or to ensuring that the family’s societal image stays put. These feelings of guilt then lead the individual to use performative healing as a maladaptive coping mechanism. The pressure to perform and showcase healing only exacerbates more inner turmoil and conflict. Therefore, honesty, authenticity, and acceptance are essential in every step and process of experiencing true healing.
For Nepal, there is still a long way to go until conversations about mental health struggles can be shared and held openly without fear and judgment. Until then, it is important to acknowledge that mental health struggles and problems are real, and that healing doesn’t happen instantaneously. Every individual’s healing journey is unique, and it is perfectly acceptable to allow oneself the necessary time to heal.
You can watch the full episode of the podcast through the link below.
Learning to Live After I Survived | w/ Shantanu Sharma | #EP5
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