Watching Adolescence (netflix production) pulled me back to a memory which had not occured in my mind in a while. It took me back to the first counseling session I practiced with a 15 years old client. Recounting his story, he had shared how he started stealing money for video games, sees his elder brothers as idols and used substances for an escape. He wasn’t doing it just for rebellion but for survival. His home life? Chaotic. An alcoholic father who dominated every room he entered, a mother silenced by fear. Arguments at home so routine that outside the home felt like peace to him.
In our third session, he told me he has a girlfriend, smiled and said she texts him. As the talk went further he came to a confession of guilt. He said he feels guilty for masturbating. He said he talked with his adult brother about it and he told him it is bad to practise. No explanation. No compassion. Just shame from the elder who told him to stop doing it. He tried to stop but he has been doing it so he asked me if he was doing wrong. I felt my own discomfort bubble up to answer his question, coming from a culture where such a topic is not often discussed. Despite studying and knowing about the topic I did feel heaviness in the air as I spoke. Here as a counselor, I knew I had to tread carefully but confidently. I told him It’s normal. It’s okay. It’s a part of growing up and discovering self. I explained that curiosity about one’s own body or others is natural at his age, and what matters most is consent, respect, and safety. Honestly, if I hadn’t watched the netflix show Sex Education before, I might have dodged the subject entirely and awkwardly. But that show somehow helped me model how to handle such conversations with understanding as a counselor. Unknowingly it did help me outgrow my discomfort, even if it was deeply ingrained in me. So in adolescence Jamie’s character curiosity actually mirrored that of my client. He too was exploring, had self image insecurity, navigating peer pressure, conflict with power dynamics, and identity confusion. I’ve seen boys become addicted to distorted ideologies about masculinity, power and dominance, especially during this vulnerable phase of identity formation.
Social Comparison Theory fits here perfectly, as psychologist Leon Festinger proposed, that people judge themselves against others, especially with peers. For my client, comparing his habits to his brother’s warnings deepened his shame and without guidance, that shame festered. Adolescents constantly evaluate themselves based on how they look, act, and fit in. When topics like sex and identity are wrapped in silence and shame, it only fuels confusion and rebellion. They form secret communities, clinging to misinformation because no adult has given them the space to ask questions without judgment. The stakes are high on a deeper level. Leaning more towards risky behaviors like substance abuse or unsafe sex. Teen pregnancy is another reality. Boys, their struggles masked by bravado or rebellion. This all draws to deterioration of mental health and trauma development.
Erik Erikson’s theory of psychosocial development sees adolescence as a stage of identity versus role confusion as teens are forging who they are. Social media only amplifies it, flooding them with unfiltered ideas about sex and power that adults can’t or won’t address. In contrast, girls grow up under stricter expectations.
The Nepali film Numafung an old movie but since i watched it recently i found it to be classic example of how deeply culture and parental authority dictate a girl’s life with the title of “xori vaneko ghar ko ijat” not much has changed in this perspective. Often girls who are very much expressive, her and her parents are under pressure of societal judgement. Numafung shows the emotional tension of a girl suppressing her feelings and desires with no flexibility to explore her own needs, while boys in our society are often accepted for the same behaviour. In the series Adolescence, there’s a telling moment when Jamie reflects on how Katie was seen as someone “not good,” reducing her to an object through sexist jokes and a misogynistic mindset. While both Jamie and Katie are in a phase of personal exploration, It’s only Katie who becomes a target judged, shamed, and ultimately controlled for asserting her own autonomy. This subtle moment reveals a much larger problem, the quiet normalization of gender based power imbalances. Jamie’s casual objectification of Katie isn’t just teenage cruelty; it reflects a deeper cultural script where males are allowed, even encouraged, to express sexist attitudes openly, especially when it makes them appear “powerful.” The power to speak degradingly, to share sexist “knowledge,” and to control how girls are perceived isn’t created in isolation, rather it’s inherited. It comes from the adults and society around them, who dismiss these behaviors as “just jokes” failing to see the lasting damage they cause. It is quiet, insidious, and too often ignored. This double standard runs deep. This imbalance leads to internalized guilt, shame and confusion.
As a mental health professional, I can only speak about the consequences, the immense psychological weight with cost of mental health, battle with Anxiety and Depression in such state. Truth is adolescents aren’t waiting for us to catch up. They’re already exposed to everything we just don’t talk about. And that silence is damaging. As a elder we feel it doesn’t happen in my house, with my children until it happens. And no it’s not something we have to stop them from rather something we should’ve openly educate them properly with the right kind of information. We cannot stop or won’t be able to stop them from discovering it, but we can choose how we respond. Dismissal of topic and awkward silence breeds confusion, shame, and misinformation. Young people like my client are left grappling with their feelings in the dark. Labeling them sinners or misfits, rather than offering understanding. As a result these young people are fighting secret battles. The least we can do is listen.
If I have to conclude the heart of all this is a system of misogyny, inequality, and misinformation. Respect doesn’t come from silence or superiority; it comes from unlearning what society has wrongly taught and making space for equality in how we see and treat each other. So that they can also figure out and see through when some adults pass down myths instead of knowledge. Where power games are disguised as “normal” behavior. Our adolescents deserve better. They deserve to explore their identities in safe, informed, and supportive environments. They deserve adults who listen without shame and provide guidance without judgment. Because if we don’t talk about it, someone else will. And not everyone will speak with their best interest at heart. My client’s guilt wasn’t just personal; it was cultural, fed by messages that painted his natural urges as wrong.
A 2021 report of UNICEF on a study about Adolescent Mental Health has mentioned that rigid gender norms increase emotional distress in teens with boys facing pressure to “perform” and girls to “conform.” These norms leave adolescents vulnerable to misinformation, often from peers or outdated adult advice. Adolescents in Nepal need more than whispered warnings or judgmental stares. They need comprehensive education and guidance rooted in facts, not fear. They need adults, parents, teachers, counselors who’ll listen without shaming. And they need a society that dismantles misogyny and inequality, starting with challenging double standards.
I’ve seen what one supportive conversation can do for a teen like my client. But it’s a drop in the bucket. We need a tidal wave. A collective push to equip young people with the tools to navigate their bodies, their identities, and their futures without guilt or secrecy. One major step to take is to have school counselors in every school. They are essential beings in a adolescents life who play a vital role in supporting adolescents mental health who help them navigate stress, identity, and relationships with compassion and expertise. These counselors are trained to recognize early signs of emotional distress and can guide teens toward healthier coping strategies. Plus by acting as a mediator between students, parents and educators, they foster understanding and emotional growth.
Having a school counselor should not be treated as luxury; rather it is a necessity to promote healthy ways to cope, reflect and navigate life challenges of our Adolescents. Without this support, schools risk by letting emotional and psychological crises escalate in Adolescents life until they become unmanageable. Irony is, if we don’t expect our young kids to teach themselves math or science without guidance how do we expect them to navigate their own complex emotions and mental health challenges alone? So having a school counselor in a school shows they care to offer a foundation for mentally healthy and emotionally intelligent generation who can question harmful beliefs, reflect on their values, and grow. Without such professional guidance we risk raising individuals who follow patterns blindly on which they never had the chance to understand or challenge.
Leave a Reply